7/20 Something to bring you a laugh
I found this article in one of my readings. I have adapted to bring more humour into your day and written it as a Guest Post. A young boy was asked to give a book report on the entire the Bible. This is what he came up with. Through the eyes of a child!
The Children’s Bible is a Nutshell!
“In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was nothing but God, darkness and some gas – even even the stars. The Bible says, “The Lord the God is One but I think He must be a lot older than that.
Anyway, God said, ‘Give Me a light’ and someone did.
Then God made the world. He spit on some dirt and made Adam. Then He did a better job by using Adam and He made Eve. Adam and Eve were naked, but they weren’t embarrassed because mirrors hadn’t been invented yet.
Adam and Eve didn’t really listen to God because a snake came by and talked to them. They disobeyed by eating one bad apple so they were driven from the Garden of Eden….Not sure what they were driven in though because they didn’t have cars then.
Adam and Eve had a son, Cain who hated his brother as long as he was Abel. That was a really bad scene because Cain killed his brother and then had to leave the family. Lots and lots years passed but all of the early people died off except for Methuselah, who lived to be a million or something.
One of the next important people was Noah, who was a good guy but one of his kids was kind of a 
Ham. Noah built a large boat and put his family and a lot of animals on it. He asked some other people to join him but they said they would have to take a rain check.
After Noah came a big family: Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. Jacob was more famous than his brother, Esau because Esau sold Jacob his birthmark in exchange for some pot-roast. Later, Jacob had a son named Joseph who wore a really loud sports coat. His other brothers didn’t have one though so they sent him to live with other people.
Another important Bible guy was Moses, whose real name was Charlton Heston. Moses let the Israel Lights got of Egypt, across a big dry path in the ocean and away from the evil Pharaoh after God sent ten plagues on Pharaoh’s people. It was a hard life in Egypt because they wouldn’t let the Israel Lights change the straw and mud they were using. These plagues included frogs, mice, lice, bowels and no cable.
God fed the Israel Lights every day with manicotti and some flying birds. Then He gave them His top Ten Commandments. These included: don’t lie, cheat, smoke, dance or envy your neighbour’s stuff. Oh yeah, I just thought of one more: Humour thy Father and they Mother.
One of Moses’ best helpers was Joshua who was the first Bible guy to use spies. Joshua fought the battle of Geritol and the fences fell down all over the town. It must have been pretty strong stuff!
Along time after Joshua, a sheep lover came on the scene, David. He got to be king by killing a giant with a slingshot. He had a son named Solomon who had about 3000 wives and 500 porcupines. My teacher says he was wise, but that doesn’t sound very wise to me.
After Solomon there were a bunch of major league prophets. One of these was Jonah, who had a very smelly job: he was swallowed by a big whale and barfed up on the shore.
There were also some minor league prophets but I guess we don’t have to worry about them. Most of them were killed by the men in charge of religion though.
After the Old Testament comes the New Testament. Jesus is the star of the New. He was born in Bethlehem in a barn. (I wish I had been born I a born too, because my mom is always telling me: “Close the door! Were you born in a born?” It would be nice to say, “As a matter of fact, I was”.
During His life, Jesus had many agreements with the big shots and sinners. Some were like fair, like the Pharisees, or the sad people, the scribes – but they didn’t say what they had subscribed to. Maybe that’s why they were ‘sad-you-see’? Jesus also had twelve opossums.
The worst one was a guy name Judas Asparagus. Judas was so evil they name a terrible vegetable after him. Jesus was a great guy though but people didn’t really know who He was. He healed many leopards and even preached to some Germans on the Mount of …. somewhere.
But the power people, The Roamers and all those other bad guys put Jesus on trial before Pontius the Pilot. Pilot didn’t stick up for Jesus. He just washed his hands instead… Anyway, Jesus dies for our sins, and then He came back to life again. He went to Heaven but will be back at the end of the Aluminium. His return is foretold in the book of Revolution.”
Adapted from: Source: http://webmail.myaccess.com I hope this adds to your knowledge of the Bible!
Susanne Fengler, Blog Author
www.christianfoundations.jesus-treeoflife.info
Tags: Child's view of Bible
Filed under: From Slave to Sonship, Guest Posts
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